So, I've just realized that I'm a serious emotional eater. My husband went out of town today and it has made me very sad. I realized, too late, that I immediately started yelling at my kids and went to eat anything and everything I could get my hands on. I have made some cupcakes and really want to eat them, but I decided to check out the posts here instead. I am wondering how others cope with emotional eating.

Help me!!!!!

i can relate about being an emotional eater. i am glad you came to the posts. try to do things you enjoy to relax-i like taking baths, taking a walk, going to the bookstore, reading a magazine, making a phone call. try anything to break the pattern. try writing in a journal, searching the web, try not to keep the things around that tempt you. throw them out or have a separate drawer for stuff that is "off limits" to you.

Nancy, I'm really sorry to hear about your sadness. I can't relate to emotional eating so my 2 cents worth may be worth only that much. I like all of Jennifer's suggestions, they're all very good. I'd add an unconventional one which is simply allowing yourself to experience the sadness. Eating, along with many other bad habits, are attempts to block emotions. If you let yourself hit bottom, really let the sadness sink in, it allows you to ascend and crawl out of the funk. By no means an easy approach, but like I said, it's unconventional and maybe worth only 2 cents, but it's all I've got. Regards, and I hope your husband returns soon.

Hey there, I know emotional eating is very real...

I read a quote on one of the Traineo posts from one of our eloquent ciberfriends:

"If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution"

I love that.... and think about it alot as I reach for some comforting food without any real hunger need.

Well Nancy, you've already done one of the best things you can to fight emotional eating - you've faced the issue and you've come here to tell about it and seek support. Just by recognizing what is happening and reaching out you have found another outlet for the emotional support; not only the members here, but the act of writing as well. Use these forums as an outlet to express your emotions and you won't need the food as much. Additionally, listen to Jennifer! Get out and do something, exercise, drink a bunch of water - just don't sit around and think about how sad you are because that won't work! And if you do exercise, feel free to reward yourself with a healthy snack - associate that with the positive feeling instead

Powerful statement.

I am so appreciative of all of the suggestions. I really felt so much better just posting and reading some of the other posts. The suggestions here are all very good. Strangely, I am looking forward to my next episode so I can prove I'm stronger than the urges. What a crazy thing! When I am able to look at emotional eating from a different perspective, it feels frustrating that food could have such power.

Glad you're feeling better Nancy!

Is it the food that's powerful, or the emotions?

Regards.

glad you are better too nancy. it is amazing how food could have such power. i had already eaten dinner and a friend had asked me to keep him company for dinner so i went. i wasnt hungry and didnt even like what he was eating and suddenly i wanted what he was having and became hungry. cravings just took over. i didnt eat but i was tempted and was amazed how that happened.

Let's remember that food doesn't have any power - it is an inanimate object!

We have power - power to experience these emotions and to seek comfort. Where we choose to seek that comfort is just that, a choice, and we can learn to find it in other ways. Don't give food power over you! Keep creating positive experiences and dealing positively with your emotions; your constructive actions will give you power over your emotions and an amazing sense of pride

thanks dave. very true whats for breakfast? lol

A good friend of mine game me a line from his journey in AA:

"Sometime you just need to white knuckle through it."

Like Jennifer did at dinner, and it sounds like you did Nancy.

This has been a powerful line for me when I've needed to just stay the course. Realizing it's only temporary, and I just need to stay strong. And, just as you did, call a "sponsor" (that would be Traineo community in this case). It's amazing just how "making the call" can set things straight, regardless of what everyone says. It's the act of reaching out and surrendering, knowing that you just need to hang in there.

Grab a big glass of water and chug it, and keep hanging on when the emotional daemons come calling They'll get bored of fighting with you after a while.

Wow...I thought I was the only one who was an emotional eater. I've never known anyone who could relate. In my case, however, I eat like a maniac when I get upset or angry. I used to punch holes through walls, but that's pretty costly. Of course, eating is costly too. Now I try to do things that I know help calm me. Music works wonders. I'm glad to see this topic addressed here. Thanks and good luck to all

It's so discouraging when an attack happens. I'm so grateful for all of the ideas and the knowing that so many others understand. Right after I had my baby in June, I REALLY was doing the emotional eating thing. We have a 22lb. tub of unmelted Belgian fondue chocolate in our house we use for special occasions. I found myself several times with a knife cutting out chunks of chocolate! I was so overwhelmed, and it seemed that chocolate would be the solution. It never was. We can't get rid of this chocolate so I have to "white knuckle" through it.

I am so happy to have this avenue of support!

You admit you have a problem. That you have a "hard time controlling" your food intake. Yet, incredibly, you surround yourself by the very thing you can't control consuming -- junk food.

What you need help with is NOT your "problem" of being an "emotional" eater. What you need help with is your penchant for continually and knowingly setting up yourself for failure. If you are tempted this much by the prospect of eating utterly valueless and worthless foods, then get RID of them.

Wow, another hell-of-a newbie post. Immediate proximity to food - in no way - addresses the problem of emotional eating. At best it's a temporary fix.

Welcome, I guess, Howard.

Thanks Jeff for your support! It's strong people like you who get us weak ones through the hard times. Howard you're right about not surrounding yourself with junk food when you're trying to eat healthy and lose weight. However, when a person who is an emotional eater gets sad, upset, bored, etc and when it's already hard to control those emotions, that person can find food ANYWHERE! I live out in the middle of the desert and I was so sad one night that I literally drove the hour it took to get into town to have a vanilla milkshake and french fries. This was before I realized I was an emotional eater, but I'm doing so much better just since I made this post originally. Every time I have felt upset, bored, anything I come to here and read what people are writing in the forums. It has helped immensely!! I actually have not randomly eaten anything. Everything has been planned.

welcome howard!
a little fyi-sometimes you cant just get rid of the food-it could be someone elses- at work for ex. plus if you have an "addiction" nothing will get in your way. at home personally i dont keep anything tempting around but thereare often tempting things around wherever i go that i cant just throw out or get rid of-i have to learn how to deal with them.

Glad you are doing well nancy! i can relate to your story. glad the posts are helping.

Great insights Jennifer!!! And those of us with kids do have things in our cupboards that we can't just "get rid of". I stock up on 100% fruit snacks, pretzels, beef jerkey, nuts, yogurts, fruit popsicles etc....... all these things can quickly turn into my "failure". Also, I have a very fit, trim, healthy husband who keeps a stash of chocolate he nibbles on forever......

I have a family I adore - they eat and like food I need to control. This post is great! Thank you Herb for the "white knuckle...." quote!

O.K. I admit.... there are some foods that just can't come in the door. Haagen Daas icecream and See's candy - no can do!!! Unless there are enough people around to dispose of the goods moderately in one sitting. No lurking substance for late night forages........

And Nancy, belated welcomes, btw,

There's always diabetic-type bon-bons to consider as an alternative to keeping the uber-tempting goodies 'round the house--as well as exploring other less harmful sugar alternatives like "Stevia" for example to think about using when making your own less eeeeevil treats.

And again I say, regarding the recently signed up newbie in this thread, Howard---"Dutch Oven" re-incarnations?



(And no, that doesn't mean I'm keen for a game... ; )

Hi Nancy,

You have come to a good place where you will find a lot of support. My first thought when I read your initial post was about the balance in your life and wanted to have a look at this area a little fuller.

I read a book by Susan Jeffers called 'Feel the fear and Do'it Anyway' quite a while back and it was very useful for myself at the time. It talked about breaking your life down into areas and attributing your energy to each area equally to provide a balanced life. Significant other/partner would count as one area, and would be an important contribution to your life but you must also focus on the rest. This means when for some reason your hubby leaves town, your world doesn't feel empty, there is just a small space in an eighth of your life so to think. This is fine if you know if it is for a short time and you can see that your life is still full.

Extreme examples is where people put their life around a limited few things like say career or a certain friend. When that person loses their job or falls out with their friend, their whole world falls apart as they don't feel they have anything else in life. Their page which did read job and friend now reads blank. I made this mistake in early relationships, and now I realise that my girlfriend is a very significant part of my life, though my life has great meaning even when I am alone as there are so many areas of my world which I give attention to. An example would be: Significant Other, Career, Wealth, Health, Friends and Family, Hobbies and interests, Personal Development, Leisure or whatever you feel appropriate.

I hope I haven't got the wrong end of the stick with this comment, but hopefully by appreciating how full and rich your life is, the whole when your partner is away won't feel so big in the future.

suesue- glad you enjoyed
minu- diabetic bonbons can still be risky but a better choice for diabetics!!
dean-loved your post!

Here's one thing to keep in mind when that voice starts talking to you:

think of it as a part of your mind that is psychotic. Willing to tell you whatever you need to hear to get you to do what it wants. That voice doesn't care about you, no matter how much it tries to convince you it does. All it wants is "the thing" and is willing to anything to get it. It's evil. When it starts talking to you, tell it to take a hike, just like you would if you ran into a charming, psychotic person on the street (ala Ted Bundy).

Heavy, but for lots of us there's an addict in attic, and it's really important to to see it for what it is.

That may be, but it's very hard for me to feel for her plight when she surrounds herself with the very things that lead to her eating problem. As it goes with many situations, the less you are reminded by the things that plague you, the less of an effect they will have on you.

Dumping her trove of junk food, at best, would be a great start.

Dean, I can not tell you how much I appreciate your style of writing. You have the incredible balance of making people think, challenge others, yet at the same time validate and encourage.

I lifted this quote from you because I have a lot of compassion for Nancy - being a mom is so challenging and when your teammate leaves the feeling of desperation truely can be overwhelming!!!

For me, when my husband is out of town, I go to that "desperate place" not because I don't have other pursuits BUT with him gone... I often can't retreat to talk to friends, read, work out etc. I am alone parenting our two children. Yes, there are friends and a support system there, but at 3:00 at night with a throwing up kid - it is just me!!!

Suesue - thank you! That is EXACTLY how it is! Jennifer, Herb, Dean, Minu, and, yes, Howard - thank you! Dean, I really did appreciate what you said and I see it in my own life. It is when my husband first leaves that I feel so lonely and things are hard. After he is gone for a day or two, I am able to start getting into "independent" gear and get on with things. Sometimes there are setbacks, like suesue said, when you're all alone at 3 a.m. with a sick kid and there isn't a support system. But I have to say that I'm proud of myself tonight. I had an upsetting phone call and my first reaction was to head for something...ANYTHING. But, I didn't. Not to sound cheesy, but I thought about the advice from here, mentally worked through those horrific cravings, and got through it. And then I ate blueberry yogurt.

I have to say that I do appreciate Howard's comments. My first reaction every time has been to defend myself and tell him that he's got it all wrong. But then I wouldn't be owning up to this problem. He's says it all very rough, but it is pretty true. Of course, I prefer the soft, sympathetic responses the best, but sometimes the ugly, painful truth needs to be exposed.

I have realized since my first post that there are several layers to emotional eating. I certainly won't go into my discoveries now, but having so many views and ideas and advice given, emotional eating, in my opinion, is not something that a person can get through very easily on their own. I truly, truly am grateful that I have so many "personal trainers and nutritionists." By the way, thanks for taking on my unstable self until I get this all worked out!!!!

Lookout--if that husband stays away for too long, he'll be returning to a whole new woman, Nancy.

Have a positive, productive, persistant weekend.

keep up the good work nancy!

Like you, Jeff, I can't relate either, I don't do the emotional eating thing. I mainly do the bored thing but my kids have been helping me with that. I can't sit still for long enough to overeat on anything!

But I do still get sad sometimes and when I do my two kitties make everything all better. It is amazing at what an animal's unconditional love can do for you no matter how sad you are.

I know it can't take the place of your husband being out of town, and believe me I definitely know that pain - my husband travels for work 3-5 days a week, but the cats are just loving and really seem excited to see me when I get home. The kids are happy too but mostly because that means that I can take them to the mall or something!

You are doing a great job at realizing your weaknesses, keep focused and visit us here as often as you can, it truly helps!