As some of you know I have set myself a goal to row the Atlantic which I am working on making happen.

We have an idea of the people involved in the boat and the level of commitment that we will require.

However, I have some doubts about one member of the team which has been reinforced by some of his closer friends that he really isn't going to be up to the challenge and may actually destroy the experience for everyone else involved.

The person in question however is dead set on this venture and assures he is 100% committed and has the strength mentally and physically to push himself really hard. He has been really looking forward to this opportunity. Also, he is my current housemate and potentially a business partner in some up and coming projects so our relationship has an element of sensitivity.

How do you think I should go about handling this situation? Should I just confront him? Am I out of line to question his resolve as he may be perfectly able to handle the challenge? How can I deal with it in a way that leaves a good relationship intact?

The idea I'm having evolves around building a squad of potential members and cutting the team back as we get closer to the date. Would this put his nose out of joint as I'm pretty confident he would naturally get weeded out on pure physical weakness?

Advice appreciated, so give me your brutal honesty.

Thanks

Whoa, sensative-situation-city, Dean. Especially considering how already tied in he is in your life, personal AND potentially biz-like.

If you think that his lack of physicality alone will weed him out, and manifest so during the grueling training, then I have a feeling that you should just let that speak for itself, as no matter how mentally prepared he may think he is, if he can't even cut the training-mustard, then THAT is the only info that ultimately matters. You guys are in this to win, not just make it there, I assume.

How do the rest of the people feel about him?

Is everyone on the same page regarding this weeding out process?

And, will there be a kind of voting situation happening, based of course on training results first?

Gotta do my protein shake here. I'll check in later for sure.

In the mean time: zan-wishes as usual.

Well, you're definitely in a pickle, Dean. I think your idea is a sound one and seems very fair to me. So long as the others who are on board agree to building a group of potential team members who may or may not get cut, I think you are good to go.

Since you ask for brutal honesty though, I think it would be a good idea to give the same...to your mate. While I think the group challenge would certainly help, and may weed him out, or perhaps spur him on....If you truly feel he won't be up for it, you should try to discuss that with him. Kind of "prepare him for the worst", ya know?

This challenge is very important to you, obviously. And if this person "may actually destroy the experience for everyone else involved" then you really should have a talk w/him b/c I'm sure that's the last thing you want to happen! This is not only for yourself, but for everyone else's sake...It's not necessary to be confrontational...There are ways you can dance around the situation. But, if you like honesty, then give it...I'm sure you can be diplomatic when you want to be.

Anyway, just my two cents....

I agree with Minu. Just let him continue since he is connected to you more ways than one. Especially if you think the training will be too much for him. If it isn't and he pushes him self over and beyond his capabilities then maybe he was telling the truth and can handle it. Let time take its course.

Your the one always saying your the one you have been waiting for. Well let him be the one to either prove or disprove himself to his own self...

Good luck!

what minu and ara said. it's rough going eliminating him before he's had a chance to have a go. and if things pan out like you believe, then he'll understand where you're coming from. just eliminating him because of what you believe before he's had a chance is a bit dicey considering all the other factors involved.... of course, if it's going to cause major headaches replacing him, then well, maybe it is better to address it now. stuff like this can cause lots of bitterness that will fester if not handled properly.

Thanks for all the feedback guys, I really appreciate your input.

I guess it did feel important to me that he had a chance to prove himself, as like you guys have rightly pointed out, maybe he is up to the challenge. This event is a big deal for me as I really want to prove myself to myself through this challenge, and I want all the factors to be thoroughly prepared to make that happen and be a reality.

I guess I was concerned that if I just stated my mind it would create bad blood which was a worry. We'll look at some physical training and regimes that we can begin soon to start getting prepared. Lets see how dedicated he is to getting in shape and committing to the programme. I have no problems with him stepping up to the plate, proving his worth and taking his seat. I'm just worried about him blocking a more worthy competitor from taking the place.









You all speak the truth!

are you going to have just one extra potential member? that would be kind of obvious, yet if you have two or three potential members beyond what you need, you may end up weeding more of your friends out and creating more delicate situations.

also, if you wait til he gives up on the training without having a potential replacement that has been training all the while, you're going to have an undertrained member, which may be worse.

We were planning on having reserves ready, however the initial plan was to name the crew and have the remainder ready incase of injuries or unforseen reasons where the original 4 couldn't compete.

I personally prefer the idea of competing for places but I'm not sure how this character will take the news that he has to stand up and be counted. I'll let you know.

P.S - Have you signed up for the US running team yet Troy? I'm looking forward to seeing you on the teamsheet

no, i still don't know who glovia is. i browsed around for a us vs uk challenge/forum, but this site is poorly laid out. can't find much.

If you go to the main forum page: http://www.traineo.com/forum you should see an active thread called US vs UK beginner running race (Dean vs Glovia) about midway down the page. Here is a direct link: http://www.traineo.com/1376_5388_0.html

is it in general discussion? maybe i have a browser issue... there is a thread called The Cartwright Obesity Experiment that is cut off, and it is the bottom-most thread. i ran a ctrl+f on "us," "vs," and "uk" and couldn't find that thread title.

so thanks for the direct link.

Dean - I normally wouldn't stick my opinion in something like this but seeing as you asked, I wanted to put across my thoughts in case they prove useful or help spark a different path of thinking.

The first is; how reliable are his close friend; the ones that dont think he is up to it? Do they have an agenda? Are they perhaps jealous or envious of him and hence reporting they don't think he is capable.

Secondly: Has he demonstrated in your preperations so far that he could cause the downfall of the project? Just because he is not physically comparable doesn't neccasarily mean the attempt is in jeopardy. He might work harder on the day than anyone. Every team has a varying degree of abilities.

Lastly: what criteria can you judge him on? Using this criteria you could put a case to him without offending him too much.

This is a super-tricky situation because of your inter-relations and interests. But I would personally sit down with him and express your thoughts and see what he says, I think everyone deserves a chance and the benefit of the doubt.

Also, make sure he doesn't see this thread otherwise he'll be furious!

I was going to ask about "stand-ins"; glad to see that worse cases scenerios don't include being left in a lurch, as they say.

Interesting to see how this will pan out. And killer pre-show-age for the potential book Dean, non?

If he saw this thread Dean, do you think there's any possible chance he'd take it as an opportunity to re-eveluate his views of himself, in terms not only of physicality, but in a more important, bare-bones self spiritual/awareness kinda way?

Good points Colin

Firstly - His pal introduced him to the idea and is actually competing himself. His angle was that he wouldn't share a boat with him, though it has crossed my mind that maybe he wants one up on his mate and will feel better if he's done something that my housemate hasn't. He seems reliable though, but I don't actually know him that well.

Secondly - As a rule I don't train with my housemate because he is weak minded in his training and refuses to push his comfort zones. He does what he feels is safe and his emphasis is on outward appearance, not performance. His current trick is starving himself to get a 6-pack and then telling me that once he has a cut abdomen he'll build muscle? I'm worried about this! Yet he still lectures me on my training as he is a 'know it all'

Thirdly - This is definitely correct. We need to design a level playing field. My personal angle is to see not how fit he is but how he handles himself when he reaches breaking point. The fittest men break when they push themselves, but the fittest don't always have the mental strength to keep it together and win! I need a way of testing this.

Thanks Colin

He is technical/ mechanical minded and spiritual awareness doesn't exist with this guy. If he can touch it he knows it is real if you know what I mean. He is getting better and starting to be more open, however he doesn't totally buy into my philosophies and the essence of the way of the warrior. I think he thinks I'm trying to cash in and handing out placebo effects. Don't think it would work that way.

I'm usually of the mind to allow a person to prove his mettle. Considering you're going to be in the middle of a bigass ocean and need this guy to pull his weight though, a person that refuses to push his comfort zones on the safety of land worries me. This is not your typical venture, so I think it calls for more strict standards, and everything you've said tells me he is not up to those standards.

How many compose the team, and how do the other members feel? Are you heading the group? Maybe this is the time to step aside and let someone who is not so personally involved assume the lead and make some executive decisions.

Troy, have you joined the Traino forum group of "90 Days Challenge"? If yes, you can find the thread in My group-> 90Day Challenge->US vs UK Beginner running race (Dean vs Glovia).

You can find info about me in my profile. Brief introduction: I was a totaly sedentary person 1 year ago. The only exercise I did was shopping. I started running last year. Now, I am addicted.

I am curious about this comment.... is it directed to his phyical ability only or some other issues that are of concern?
The reason I ask is that the above strategy of natural weeding out those who are not capable physically is great..... really takes you out of the direct position of talking to him. However, this statement indicates there may be other issues besides physical.

It seems like being a part of an intense rowing team will involve the physical ability and also great emotional stability to really team play when things get tough!!

At any rate, if in fact, he is not a good fit. Is there anyway this information could come to him ..... not from you directly... so the other aspects of your relationship could be kept in tact.

Dean, I am sorry for this teammate of yours. It reminded how I was when I started running with the training team. I was so unfit and could never keep up with any in each run. There were teammates willing to show down to run a bit to run with me. They meant to encourage me. Unfortunately, I was just too damn slow. Then, I decided to run alone myself so that I could stay in my comfort zone. I ran with the training team only on Sat long run. I would lose them anyway on those long run since I could not catch up with them. It a way, it became a solo run. I have been very comfortable with my solo runs. We all ran the same marathon last year. The 1st weekend after the marathon, everybody was so excited to talk about their time and interesting things in the race. My time was way way off from theirs. I was sad and felt so left out. I have nothing interesting to share. Then, I made up my mind to run with the team more often. For the sake of teammates who were willing to slow down for me, I push myself hard to catch up with them. Now, I feel that I am part of the team. And, now, I can be those willing to slow down to encourage new team members.

My story may not help you much. What I want to say is that your teammate must realize the problem of himself. Did he really believe his ability? Perhaps, you can help him to realize that he is not fit enough to take on this challenge.

Wow, Dean, after reading more of your profile on your roomate, I think that the sooner the training and weeding starts, the higher the zen reserves will be for the whole team. It doesn't appear to me from here that he has even a quarter of the spiritual balls needed for this journey.

This is a great suggestion. Maybe by collaborating a squad together and building some mutual standards it won't be like the cut off decision is coming from me. I like that piece of input.



He is a 'my way or the highway' kind of guy which his mates don't think will work when stranded at sea and everyone has to pull together. Also, his mate is convinced he will not go the distance and will quit after 2-3 weeks. If this happens the experience is over for everyone as we wouldn't have the green light to continue in the race without him. I don't know if this will happen or not? His mates look at it is as a mental weakness thing rather than physical, though for me they overlap to become one and the same in the finish. I am a big advocate of mindset as you know.



This wouldn't be an issue if I was 100% happy his commitment and mentality was in place because fitness is always there for the taking if you're prepared to step up and take it. I have appreciated that maybe he is tougher than I think and that maybe he will if given the opportunity. However, my work with mindsets suggests to me that this isn't the case and he doesn't appear willing to work with me on it as he believes he already knows everything.

You can't coach someone who doesn't want to be coached, right?

This was me, Dean. I believed I could do it without the running team. Running, what a big deal.. I might be slower, but I could do it. I would reach the finish line without the running team. That's my mentally at that time. That's why I was not willing to push out of my comfort zone.

Perhaps, you can try to find a way to make him realize that he is unable to do it. Show him the failure stories of those who have participated the past events. Talked those stories to the team during training. Let him hear the stories. Perhaps, he can protrait himself to those and may wake up. If he himself does not realize his limitation, he won't think of improvement. Just like me before.