I am having a major problem right now. i seem to be sinking into another dark depression. i have been fighting this illness since i was 12 and i know the signs.

This comes with two problems: 1) i am an emotional eater and though i have been resisting and when i can't keep what i am eating healthy as possible i know i am eating more than i should be and the deeper i get the worse it will get. 2) motivation goes out the window and so does the ability to work out. even know though i do it most days (and sticking to my schedule is extremely difficult even thoguh i accomplish the majority missing only a couple in the entire week) i am looking at the clock wondering when it's going to be over instead of concentrating on the exercise like i did when i started out.

this could be short lived i always get depressed close to my birthday or it could just be the pms taking an early jaunt(sorry guys).i see a counsler but i can't take meds due to the fact they just make things worse. personal experience. even my docs don't want to give me anything due to my super sensitive system.also i have a couple of chronic illnesses that make things worse and are a cause for depression themselves. i am worried that i could go back to the really dark place when i was severly suicidal for years and i am not sure i can handle the constant dissapointment of the scale not moving(yes i know i am losing inches but it is going on two months here and i have gained a pound instead of losing ANY) even though i am pushing myself physically and emotionally during this attempt at weightloss.

the question is really has anybody else on here suffered through depression while trying to lose weight? how did you stick to your diet? how did you find a way to exercise when all you wan't to do is curl up under a blanket and cry? the most important how do you get through the workout itself when your constantly watching the clock ?

any suggestions or ideas would be great. i mean i am doing what i usually do when i hit these dark spots but this is the first time i hit one while doing the eating lifestyle change and exercising and i don't want it to cause me to stop eating properly and working out because i knnow once i stop it's gonna take a whole lot to get me going again.that's even if i could convince myself it's all worth it which is a point i am struggling with right now.

Thank you.

.

I suffer from depression too and never made the connection until I read your post that maybe that could be why I have a hard time sticking to any plans as far as my health goes. I was seeing a counselor as well but thought things had gotten better. I go through times where I'm all for getting healthy and then it drops off as my mood sinks...I don't really have any advice as far as how to stick with it as I am also having that problem but I do know that you are worth it, you're worth the effort to make yourself healthier! I tell myself all the time that "why keep it up, it doesn't matter" but here I am telling you that it does, you have helped me today to understand that you are important as well as I am important. I hope you find the answers you seek and if I come up with any good ideas that help me I will be sure to send them your way!
Take care and know that you ARE worth it

Depression was something I grew up with --- while being overweight --- or even worse morbidly obese. I always thought to myself "well..even if I did lose weight I'd still be overweight...what's the point."

I would beat myself up after a week of diet and exercising... I would just quit thinking man I am working SO hard but not getting anywhere...then I would seek fatty foods...

What I have done in the past two years is put myself in environments that take me away from wanting to eat horribly. I also connected with groups (like traineo) and others who worked out. I noticed that I would eat badly when surrounded by others who didn't care about their diet. I stopped going to the EXTREME as I use to --- I took my diet and exercise slowly - I never starved myself ---

Working out and watching the clockkkkkkkk ohhh the clock! I have a treadmill in my apartment and it's located right in front of the television... I usually put on a show I really enjoy and it usually takes me away from thinking I am on the treadmill... Sometimes I just jam out to songs on my Ipod. That clock use to haunt me but now I just ignore and time seems to fly.

It's hard to fight depression, but I feel a lot better now about myself because I have managed to lose 75 LBS and I continue to lose more and more weight... When you start to see results you become a whole different person... I know what you are going through is really hard and quitting is the easiest thing you could ever do...Stay strong and focused... You'll be able to accomplish anything with the right mindset --- do not give up.

Good luck!

M

i've suffered from depression since i was young and have used food to smoother feelings of sadness. now aged 25 i'm trying to get my mental health right to overcome my food and weight issues and have found cognitive therapy very helpful to the point its helped me get off anti-depressants.

cognitive therapy teaches you how to cope when you notice your thinking heading towards the depression black hole and to adjust your thoughts. its also good for self image and confidence. i used a cognitive therapist and paul mckenna cd's which are great for motivation.

my dog has been brillant for getting me to walk miles and a wii is great for a workout since i hate gyms.

Don't give up! Physical exercise is one of the best natural things you can do to combat depression. You're releasing endorphins into your system that will help your mood improve. It's hard, but it's worth fighting through!

Are you taking any vitamins or herbal supplements? I've read about making sure that you're feeding your body the minerals it needs as being extremely important. I know that a calcium/magnesium tablet is supposed to be very beneficial, as well as either fish oil or flaxseed oil.

Also, it's very normal to lose weight when exercising initially but then hit a wall. What happens many times is that you'll burn excess fat while building muscle simultaneously. Your body might be increasing its muscle mass, which is offsetting the fat loss. If you press through you'll see results eventually. Muscle burns calories and increases metabolism more than fat. HANG IN THERE.

Another thing I would monitor is if you're actually getting enough calories to eat. If you don't eat enough your body will go into starvation mode, which will basically be a panic mode that won't allow you to lose weight because it thinks that it has to store away the food so you don't die. This could also be if you're working out at an extreme level while eating a normal diet. I'd schedule an appointment with a physician or nutritionist to be sure.

Last thought. What I do to keep things fresh in change up my routine every few weeks. I never run the same route and I like to change my weight training up a bit to keep me guessing. That usually helps me avoid the dreaded looking at the clock every 30 seconds.

You can do it! Make sure you find a group you can connect with in real life, too. Peer support is vital.

Hey Joanne

Don't fear, you are certainly not alone. I imagine a lot of people using this site (including me) have experienced this. I understand it can be a visious cycle and it's very important to have a good support network. Is there anyone you can talk to when your feeling like this? I know depression can make you feel worthless, but believe me, you are far from being that. You have so much potential.

Take it easy bird.

I know, you have no idea how many times i have planned out regimens and routines and as i am about to start i hit a low and bam...i either stop or go with the why bother? mantra. Seriously as if we don't have enough problems already in just trying to lose the weight and exercise THEN we have to deal with a depressive mindset. geez. i have been sinking lower for the past week and am amazed i am still doing the workouts. THank you for the encouragement and i know you will do well in your endevors.



Groups are hard to come by around here and what is here is expensive thus why i haven't joined any.



Actually i have the same mantra just different mine goes "even if i did lose the weight i would still be ugly just slim and ugly...why bother." it's the mindset i am dealing with right now.



my counslers have been trying to do this for years. for some reason i am not very receptive even when i think i am. i frustrate them completely.

Right now i know i am getting more calories then i should.maybe if i was working out the way i want to it wouldn't be so bad but i don't do enough to lose the calories thus why i am avoiding the scale for at least a month maybe more. especially now when it keeps going up. it's really difficult right now to keep anything on track because of a variety of factors. my chronic illness is in a flare up which has left me in some pain, the weather is so humid i can't do any workouts without overheating and passing out,the scale numbers keep going up a pound each day even though i know i am not eating THAT much extra calories and am still exercising 4-5 days a week, and the worst i am so depressed right now that i keep asking myself why i torture myself with the diet and exercise when it's not going to change anything. even slender i will be that fat girl who is useless and unlovable, life experience has shown me that time and time again.
it's the last one that is going to cause the most problems.

i mean ya my body is changing in some pleasant ways due to inches lost but right now i find the unpleasant outweighs the pleasant.

on a fixed income i have a hard time affording the proper foods, by circumstance i have a high carb diet(i don't want one it just has to be this way) because other then canned tuna i can't afford meat and it's a treat when i can have it. fresh food is near impossible to get where i live because by the time we recieve it the majority is half rotten and still overpriced. i have been eating so many salads that i can't even look at lettuce anymore without cringing. due to my illness i can't go places when i want and usually when i do plan it carefully i get a flare up that keeps me from going anywhere so walks outside as extra exercise are out. my body is a freak.seriously it's a freak i can't take most medications even over the counter affects me. when my body should be doing one thing it is doing the exact opposite. this is partly what is depressing me more then i usually am this time of year(birthday). just for once i would like to be on the winning team not stuck in the pathetic loser pile.

i am thinking to save my sanity that maybe i should just put any diet to the side right now (sticking to my eating lifestyle that i do now with veggies,tuna and stuff) instead of trying to reduce anything because i already did that and it's not doing anything but make me hungry. after i get over this slump that is in part being brought on by the upcoming b-day, closer to september i will restart a more strrict diet plan.
As for exercise i will try to keep doing what i am doing at least 4 times a week or the actual full 5-6 day schedule if i have any energy to do it(another side effect of depression you lose energy) but i am not going to feel bad if i miss a day.
i seriously picked the worse time of year to start this, anything worse then now would have been x-mas. i feel right now i need to do this for my mental health as crazy as that sounds. does this sound like i am giving up?, cause i really don't want to but i just can't handle this and the illness flare up AND depression right now.
ETA: i forgot to say thank you for your words of encouragment and motivation and sharing your experience with me. they really help.
my apologies for the long post.

i have a counsler but she is gone for a month until september. one of the other reasons i think i am going to take a slight break.

Thank you so much.i really don't feel like i have any potential right now but it's nice to hear.

It seems that depression and weight issues are always found together, and they snowball together in that vicious cycle. From my experience, I can give you only a few pieces of advice.

Depression is like quicksand. The more you struggle against it, the more you sink. Accept it for what it is, a small lapse, a bump in the road of life.

Take the time to find out what it is that triggers your depression. Is it really your weight, or is that a symptom of something else?

If you can't work on the physical right now, work on the emotional for a while. During my last week-long episode, I wrote poetry, I sculpted, I even finger-painted. Spill your guts. All of it. Get it out and move on.

Try to keep up a nutritious diet, and try to exercise, even if its only walking.

Have faith in yourself and good luck.

I've also suffered from depression since adolescence - when I began to have frequent panic attacks, my psychologist recommended I started working out and that's when I got serious about my health (almost two years ago). I have been able to maintain my emotional well-being above and beyond what I could hope for by keeping a reasonable diet but by really sticking to working out. The act of working out feels good, and the vanity I get out of it later makes me feel confident and better too. Just knowing that working out makes me 'happy' has been one of the major reasons I have kept a routine in my life and made it so important - it helps fight problems I know I will live with for the rest of my life. You're coming from another angle obviously, but the more you stick with it and get in a routine (I think any healthy routine is one of the best ways to combat depression) the more it will help you overcome the individual problems you face - also, whenever I feel really shitty, just working out helps me beat stuff out of my mind and concentrate on what makes me feel good and not worry about keeping under the blanket all day =) (plus you don't have to worry about looking good or smelling bad as long as you've got your gym clothes on!)

I battle depression too, and I know of one thing that will absolutely make it worse: POOR DIET.

The few episodes where I felt like real sh!t I was also binging on anything and everything I wanted, because I thought it would make me "feel better" if I just didn't lay the guilt on myself for eating poorly and just ate some comfort food. Instead, the crap diet makes me physically feel worse, which only aids the whole laziness aspect of depression (you know, where you tell yourself to get up and do something rather than mope around with those ridiculous feelings and feel sorry for yourself, but no matter what you can't convince yourself to get up off the couch!).

When I eat properly my head clears, and I have the energy to help jumpstart recovery. It's not the easiest thing to do, as we all know. Depression makes everything 10X harder to do. BUT, you've got to fight it unless you want to be that useless couch ornament! LOL

I ALSO TAKE HIGH DOSE FISH OIL and this has helped me tremendously. It is one of the few natural things you can take to help combat depression, and I can tell you from my own personal experience that it definitely improves my mental well being (and also reduces the intensity of my menstrual cramps and a once constantly achy shoulder never hurts anymore.) If you get your doctor to write a "prescription" for you, you can even use your FSA to cover the expense. Last year about this time I was taking 4 medications to control my depression, and suddenly that concoction was losing its effectiveness. I was a lot like you in that my system was very sensitive. If you don't want to try to mix and match medicines, I doubt you'll find much relief. Anyway, that's what I had to take in order to feel somewhat normal, and then it stopped working. We were scrambling to try to find something that DID work, and in frustration I stopped taking everything cold turkey. I felt like absolute crap, but after the withdrawal symptoms subsided I felt more normal than I had in a while. Then at the beginning of the year I started taking this fish oil and my head hasn't been this clear, and I haven't been this productive and focused since I was a kid. It's great to be me again!

Anyway, to summarize:
1) Eat a good diet
2) Supplement with high-dose fish oil, like in the link I showed you.

It is not a small lapse for a lot of us. It's something I've battled with daily for most of my adult life. Giving in to it is the LAST thing you want to do, unless you don't mind being an unproductive citizen and a burden to others.

Thank you for the advice,all. i will see how things go, hopefully i can get over this slump.

i was going ok, not great but i managed to do 2 out of the 3 planned workouts i had this week and while i couldn't do today's stength training due to a health issue i figured i might have the ability to do the night one.

now i don't want to do any. i just spent five minutes crying.

i opened the local paper today to see a woman in a wedding dress...an over three hundred pound woman in a wedding dress.. which is all well and great for her but it was a slap in the face for me because if she can find someone willing to marry her at her size, it means i really am too ugly for men. it means i am alone for the rest of my life and losing weight don't cure ugly. (the attitude problem didn't start until a few years ago so it's not the main reason i can't find anybody, maybe now it is but not then).

until recently i believed it was because i was too fat that men didn't want me. now i know the truth.
and any motivation i had to work out today ..pffffft.... gone... tommorow ain't looking so good either.

sorry for the really depressing post. i had to get it out.

I tell you what is depressing. Reading this post!

Best way to combat the *watching the clock syndrome* is to find and make an exclusive list of all your favourite songs and have them belting out during exercise. Personally there is nothing that gets me out of a rut then having some Enrique Igelsias belting out. Something cheery and happy. Avoid stuff like death metal as that promotes more of an angry workout! But if thats what you need to jolt you then feel free.

I also find visualising is a great way getting through a period of exercise. You bring up all these things that upset you so why don't you use them positively? For example. People you don't like, past events, bad days, old relationships. Use them. Just think about their reaction when they see what a transformation has taken place. How good you will feel inside. In the words of 50 Cent 'I need you to hate, so I can use it'. You will be surprised how well this works.

You claim that you feel ugly. Well let me put it to you like this. If a man had a choice of a fat ugly girl, and a slim ugly girl. Who would he choose? Now I'm sure your not ugly and you just feel down in yourself right now but putting it coldly the man would more than likely choose the slim girl depending on his tastes ; )

And is it really all about attracting the opposite sex? I know I work out to impress other people but also get a buzz knowing that I am getting more healthy and will be able to live a more fruitful life.

I know this post seems a bit harsh but I have been reading many of your posts for a while and believe people are being to 'softly softly' with their advice. Ignore what everyone else is doing, people on the news, papers, and focus on you. You are the important one. Hey if I read Mens Health Magazine everyday I would probably burst into tears. But I know that its about me and no matter who I blame or what excuses I make up, once you get past that initial *I can't be bothered* stage it will be second nature and you will just feel amazing.

YOU CAN DO THIS! NO EXCUSES! I and it seems everyone else wants you to succeed! What more motivation do you need???? Come on joanne. Step up now.

Women don't always want to lose weight for men Alexander. The most rewarding weight loss comes when you do it for yourself.

Yeh I think said that didn't I?

'And is it really all about attracting the opposite sex? I know I work out to impress other people but also get a buzz knowing that I am getting more healthy and will be able to live a more fruitful life.'

I agree with Alix. Loosing weight should not depend solely on a desire to look attractive to the opposite gender; this tends to be a road towards an eating disorder, especially for women, where "attractive" is often defined by being tall and slender.

I'm not sure if I'm at all qualified to say anything in light of this subject, but I have a friend who suffers from bouts of depression and I know that it is not something that one can just "decide" to get over. My friend is beautiful and skinny-- just a few inches short of being a runway model-- but she firmly believes that she is ugly, and is constantly on the verge of becoming anorexic. She thinks that there must be something wrong with her, simply because she has never been asked out on a date. I am short and still in need of loosing a few pounds-- and I will never be runway material-- but I have had three boyfriends, none of which seemed to care that I still have a few inches of bulge. If a man can't see past your outer shell, chances are that you won't want to be with him in the long run anyway (or he is simply taking advantage of you).

I firmly believe that the best way to loose weight is to imagine yourself obtaining a body that you yourself can be proud of. Who cares if a woman can be married at 300lbs? You don't have to be that woman. Imagine how beautiful you will look in a wedding dress at 200lbs, let alone 140! Then you will be able to look back at that 300lb woman and know that you could do better.

Your body belongs to you, not anyone else, and only you can love your body as your own. This is something that only you can do, and you CAN do it! Go make the other girls jealous ; )

(And please feel free to send me an email if you'd like to talk more; I would like to be able to help you through this, in whatever little way I can... thedoorknob@gmail.com)

I don't pay attention to the media becaue i know it's an unrealistic view of women. unfortunately it is also the one thing around here men focus on so if you don't fit it...



sunshine, with a title labeled sinking into darkness it was pretty much a guarentee it wasn't going to be about hearts and flowers.lol

thanks for the advice about the clock watching.

There's more behind this then just some very overweight woman getting married. It's a culmination of different things that at this point is destroying me, emotionally and in some cases physically.







it wasn't on my main list for losing weight it wasn't in the top two which was staying off pills and hopefully(emphasize hope) it would help with a chronic illness that pretty much rules my life at the moment but it was part of it. nobody wants to be alone for the rest of thier lives and it looks like that's where i am headed and this is why it is hitting me so hard.

Also not to gross the men out but it's getting around that time of month and i am getting closer and closer to my birthday. two things that don't help my frame of mind at the moment.

right now the main phrase going through my head is " you were doing this to improve your health, but WHY do you want to live even LONGER when your going to be ALONE for it?"

like said there is more to this then what i have listed in my posts. it was never about losing weight to catch a man but it was in the background that if i could lose the weight i would stop being invisible(so to speak).
I'm sure there are people out there overweight and skinny who know what it feels like to be invisible in a crowded room. try being that everyday even with your family.

i'll say it again.. this is about more then some lady in a wedding dress.

thank you for your advice all.

do you have any close friends you can talk to? You need a hug!

Not in town, everybody i know has moved away(something i desperately wish i could do but can't afford), i keep in contact by phone and internet.

the only person here in town is my mother and one thing she is not is huggable.

Oh, Joanne, sweetie, I just want to give you a hug and tell you it will all be okay. Just come move to B-ham and we'll hang out, kay?

Seriously though, I really wish that you could move away from ... where ever it is you live. Is there any place in your town that you could make friends?

I'm sorry Alexander, I wasn't having a go. I just felt it needed to be said.

Joanne, are there any things you could join in your community? like book groups, exercise classes, church/church coffee mornings. If not, maybe you could start one? I'm sure you'd be surprised at how many people are feeling the same as you. Are you saying all this to your counsellor? He/she will be able to help, and if they're a good counsellor, they should be referring you on, so you don't feel like your stuck in a dead end.

alix,Unfortunately there isn't much here that is available and what s here has a long waiting list.also i am having a hard time keeping myself organized. organizing a group is out of the question.

racheal, This is my hometown, i was born here, grew up here escaped here but like pure evil it reached out and pulled me back in. so now i am trapped here once more. the people who are here now mostly are the same people who tormented me endlessly when i was a kid and just needed some compassion from someone. we may all be adults now and some may be different but i can't forget the misery i was put through just because i was different and don't want to "make" friends with these same people. i know it means i end up lonely.

as it comes to this depression, i guess i just have to suck it up and deal the best i can.

I definitely know what it's like to be picked on as a child. I was a fat kid too and it sucks. There was one kid in particular that picked on me in junior high and some in high school. When we graduated, I was glad to see him leave my life. I've seen him at several events since then - just going back to see basketball or football games or get togethers with old friends - and he's a completely different person. Now, of course, I still remember what he acted like and how he treated me and some other overweight/nerdy people in my class, but obviously, he's changed since then. I know it can be tough, but a lot of times it's worth giving people a second chance. A lot of times they realize that they were jerks back in the day and they would go back and change it if they could. Just something to consider.

I read Mens Health and I burst into tears, but its because of the form they recommend for performing a squat.

I've found that, when you bump into them in town and the first thing they'll do is apologise. Bullying is a difficult issue and people bully others for many different reasons, not that that's any excuse. But you'll find most would like to turn back time and change how they behaved. The moment I forgave my seconday school bullies, I felt a weight was lifted from my shoulders. It's not healthy to hold grudges and it does yourself more harm in the long run. I would take Rachael's advice and see what they're like now. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing and you might inadvertantly lift a guilt they've been carrying for years.

Geez, i guess you guys are the lucky ones.seriously.

i have met a few of the people from my past and all i got was "hey your that fat %&*# we used to make cry" or they don't even remember what they did to me or who i am and there was physical abuse. you would think you would remember someone you punched in the head and ribs a few times but apparently not.
i wish someone would apologize. would be nice. i went from outgoing gentle kid who made friends with everybody no matter what clique to that scared(prone to violence when trying to protect myself) freak shaking in the corner hoping i didn't go home with bruises that day the worst one was some guy thought it was funny to shove my face into a snowbank by pushing me from behind then the whole lot stood around and watched while i started choking on snow that had turned to ice in my throat i still don't know how i got that thing out as things were going black.yes it was only a few of the kids that were abusive physically but it changed me as a person and not in a pleasant way.

so no, i don't think i will be forgiving these people too soon. the memories are too harsh right now(even after all this time) maybe time will soften them.
the only bully in town that i know of who feels bad about the past is myself. when i got sick and tired in high school of being a hysical and verbal punching bag i turned on another kid to get the focus off of me. to him if i ever met him again i would apologize and tell him there are no excuses and that i am sorry i hurt him in anyway.

i understand what you are saying though i have to let go to move on. it's just hard. really hard when there was physical cruelty on top of emotional involved.

well ya i just wanted to explain why i can't bring myself to forgive these people yet...if at all....i can understand why there was some of the bullying now that i am older but i don't think i can ever understand why the physical abuse.

dang that was just more depressing then the main post. think of butterflies and flowers, people!butterflies and flowers!

Oh my gosh Joanne! That is really really horrible. I am sorry to hear how awful people were. And to think that they still think that way. It's just awful.

Since I really don't know how to make you feel any better, I'll leave you with this lovely picture.