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traineo Community / Motivation Tips / My friends are all going to wind up killing themselves...
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Mikaela K
Fitness Guru
Posts: 274
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 # Posted: 28 Oct 2007 02:01


I've been trying to get healthy lately, and even though I know I'm not in the best shape, I feel better than I did, which I think is quite important.

My friends are all in awful condition. Some more than others, but most of them just eat, and eat, and eat (nothing healthy), and never exercise. When we hang out I try to get them to go on walks with me, but they stroll so slowly even I can't bear it (and I'm very, very slow), and then whine after 5 minutes that they're exhausted. This makes me sad, not only because I'm very dependent on people and love having a work-out buddy, but because I hate to see them in this, dare I say, pathetic condition. I said something to the unhealthiest of the bunch, because she thought I was caller her fat (never did I even say she was overweight, simply unhealthy, and you can be unhealthy and not overweight...even though she doesn't fit into the clothes at Fashion Bug Plus...).

How can I motivate my friends to be healthier? I'm worried about them.
Jeff West
Fitness Guru
Posts: 237
Post History
 # Posted: 28 Oct 2007 03:30 - Edited by: jwest62


Actions speak louder than words, so in this case I'd motivate by example. Keep doing what you're doing, and in time those who really want to will follow. By that time, you'll be ready to help them every step of the way.

Back to you, it sounds like you may have a big challenge ahead of yourself. Will eating healthy foods around your friends create any friction? That could get in the way of your efforts. Something to mull over...

Regards.
THE NEW ME
The Master
Posts: 2856
Post History
 # Posted: 28 Oct 2007 06:25


when your friends are ready to make changes they will. you can only control your actions, not theirs. you can make suggestions and hope they take them and you can lead by example and be a good role model and know that you are being the best friend you could be be by doing that.
Jocelyn Coutant
Fitness Guru
Posts: 222
Post History
 # Posted: 28 Oct 2007 07:12


man, let me just say, sometimes friends are BAD influence haha. i hung out with a bunch of friends this weekend and ate stuff i never eat. fries, buffalo wings, chocolate, ice cream galore.. ahh!
Matt A.
Fitness Guru
Posts: 253
Post History
 # Posted: 28 Oct 2007 10:02


First, try and find out WHY they eat. I got fat because I ate in front of the tv a lot. Try and find out why they eat, and if they can stop eating unhealthy at least; it'd be a good start. Try to get them off any fast food, because twinkies and brownies are preffered over even a handful of fries. Last, try and educate them on foods and give them baby steps on excercising.
Minu ~
The Master
Posts: 2592
Post History
 # Posted: 28 Oct 2007 11:52


I agree that by showing a good, strong, caring example to them by what you DO, it can only help them to open their eyes. How much time that may take is the question.

"You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink", is a saying that comes to mind.
Cindy N
Fitness Guru
Posts: 733
Post History
 # Posted: 28 Oct 2007 16:26


I was hoping someone else would be the "bad guy," but I feel a need to point out that a lot of people lose friends over this issue. If they don't want to change, and you do, they get jealous and spiteful. Sometimes unintentionally, many times not, they will do whatever they can to sabotage you. It's very sad but true. This can be the biggest hurdle you face, but always keep in mind your health is more important. Friends who want you to stay unhealthy aren't good friends.

I hope this won't be the case for you, Mikaela, but just be aware that it happens, and you may have some very tough choices. I would highly recommend making friends with someone new who has some interest in eating better and exercising. Don't be afraid to ask help of someone who already has an established routine. Often they like to help.

I know you want to help your friends, and that is admirable. I hope you will be able to inspire them to health! I'm not saying to give up on them, but all you can do is change yourself, just as everyone here has already recommended.

I would suggest hosting a party and making all healthy snacks. Maybe if they sample things they would normally be unwilling to try, that might just get the ball rolling.
Mikaela K
Fitness Guru
Posts: 274
Post History
 # Posted: 28 Oct 2007 17:30


I'm having a party in a few months anyway, because I am finally in a house. It's a good idea, I think I'll cut up a ton of apples (most people around here LOVE apples), and maybe make some healthy things that look bad for you, and not tell them until they've enjoyed it? I've done that with my mom (she wouldn't touch tofu, and I love the stuff...).

I don't want to lose my friends, but I understand that things like that happen. I'm not a super-healthy eater, I just space out my my junk food so that I'm not eating a bad of Cheetos in a day.

I hope they can follow my example and at least make small changes.
Herb Morreale
traineo Regular
Posts: 69
Post History
 # Posted: 29 Oct 2007 16:14


Just want to add one thing:

Sometimes when I've started to do something good for myself, I tend to get judgmental of the people around me. Actually, it's a very common human trait (sadly). I can tell you first hand that this never works out very well, no matter how much you think its "because I care about you that I'm saying this."

I think you need to be very conscious of this natural tendency, and just do your own thing and feel compassionate for others who for one reason or another haven't been able to make the same self improvements. Not the "I feel sorry for you" kind of compassion, I mean the "hey, it's OK, you are a great person, I'm just doing my thing here. Maybe it will be contagious, maybe not."

There's a GREAT book out there called "Leadership and Self Deception." I would recommend it to anyone who finds themselves having negative thoughts about the people in their lives they care about.

- Herb
Marie D.
Fitness Guru
Posts: 268
Post History
 # Posted: 29 Oct 2007 18:18


It's amazing how when you are on a diet and succeeding, you begin to see people in a new light. It amazes you that they don't do something about it but seeing you healthy makes them feel guilty and they want you back the way you are. I suggest also, to find someone with your interests in health, keep the old ones unless they drive you crazy but add some that are like minded...
THE NEW ME
The Master
Posts: 2856
Post History
 # Posted: 29 Oct 2007 19:58


great point herb!
Jocelyn Coutant
Fitness Guru
Posts: 222
Post History
 # Posted: 29 Oct 2007 20:49


well, my issue is my boyfriend HAS to eat.. all the time, as much as possible, otherwise he loses weight. maddd fast metabolism (lucky jerk). he is very athletic and always makes sure he eats a lot of protein and such, but he lovessss his food. haha. and well, me being the good gf i am.. i let him order what he wants for appetizers and such.
i just need to learn how to control my own temptations and wants, and need to remember that all this food is always out there, so just because it happens to be sitting infront of me, that is not an excuse to eat it.


Cardio King
Fitness Guru
Posts: 1784
Post History
 # Posted: 30 Oct 2007 16:22


Good advice all around

Take it from me, a person who doesn't have many friends to begin with, something like health and weight loss doesn't really translate to friends. I've tried to get friends to lose weight with me, but at the end of the day you have to be accountable solely to yourself. That's why I joined the traineo community so that I could have conversation with like minded individuals as far as weight loss and health are concerned.

My advice, which is probably in agreement with previous advice, don't push your friends too hard. They have to come to the realization that they need to get healthy on their own, whether it's by seeing your example or (heaven forbid) something worse. I wouldn't kick my friends to the curb simply because they want to eat badly. You just have to practice self control when you're around so you won't fall victim to bad eating habits as well. And if all else fails, just talk to them and tell them what's going on. They're your friends and should understand. If they don't, THEN kick them to the curb, lol.

Good luck and keep us updated.
Dean Grimshawe
Fitness Guru
Posts: 1178
Post History
 # Posted: 30 Oct 2007 16:43


When I first started learning my coaching skills and hitting all my fitness goals I wanted to shout about it all the time and preach to everyone. Now I know that lecturing my friends about the way they lead their lives is the quickest way to have no friends. However, when I get on with my life and enjoy the wonders of what is out there myself, it is never long before my friends ask what I'm doing to achieve so much.

'The only way to change the world is to change yourself'

'You can't coach someone who doesn't want to be coached'
Jeff West
Fitness Guru
Posts: 237
Post History
 # Posted: 31 Oct 2007 02:58


Quoting: wayofthewarrior
'The only way to change the world is to change yourself'


I like that, it reminds me of another similar saying, 'you may not be able to change others, but you can change yourself'.
Amy S
Fitness Guru
Posts: 220
Post History
 # Posted: 31 Oct 2007 14:26


The best way I have found to handle this is...I have different friends for different things. I have one friend I hike with and go to a pilates class with, one friend who will run with me, a few friends I watch sporting events with, a few I've met through volunteer projects, some school pals to study with, one friend I sometimes shop with, etc.

I hope your original group there will eventually be inspired to "get healthy" with you. I do like that you put it this way. In the mean time, keep your mind open to meeting new people in positive situations.
Cindy N
Fitness Guru
Posts: 733
Post History
 # Posted: 1 Nov 2007 01:05


Quoting: QueenFool
I hope they can follow my example and at least make small changes.


At your age, there are a lot of changes ahead for both you and your friends. You may find as you all get older, they will become more interested in these things too.
Jess Punton
traineo Newbie
Posts: 3
Post History
 # Posted: 2 Nov 2007 03:38


Wow Herb, that is some great advice and a real eye opener for me. Having recently got into doing fun runs and triathlons i think i might have a 'holier than thou' outlook with my friends almost looking down on them while they are out binge drinking etc on sat night while i'm in bed getting loads of sleep for my training but doing this without actually realising until i read your post so thanks. Although i have invited all my friends to do a casual bike ride this week end which some have said yes to so i am trying to include them.
Tank the Great
traineo Newbie
Posts: 13
Post History
 # Posted: 12 Nov 2007 03:54


Wow, your post was like reading my own mind! I've got tons of unhealthy friends that won't get off their fat butts... Even if they didn't want to exercise, they could at least have something healthy. Most of them have disgusting teeth that don't mask their eating habits at all. =S

Oh wells. At least we know we're making our lives better, eh?


Kevin C.
traineo Newbie
Posts: 7
Post History
 # Posted: 12 Nov 2007 04:25


Ha.. let me tell you, you can't force fitness on people. Took me a long time to figure out I wanted to do anything, and lord knows if I'll even be able to stick with it, but I'll try.

My father right now is a schizophrenic... his medication in turn creates an insatitable hunger, it's not his body truly needing food buy his mind telling him he's hungry so it's real as sun shine for him.

He's now inching up on 400 lbs... he can barely breathe doing the most meaningless things such as bringing in his grocries, I've begged, pleaded to him even, but theres no listening. Not to mention some of his delusions leave him thinking he needs it all.

I'm pretty sure he'll die soon enough, but theres nothing I can do about it, he won't listen to me, so it's pretty much over with.

bottom line is: if they're not going to do it, they're not going to do it. Shouldn't hinder your opinion of them as people though. I've got overweight friends, friends who do drugs, all terrible decision makers.

You just can't change people. But as I am sure others have said, the most you can do is invite them along and hopefully they will take up the opportunity.
Rick B
traineo Newbie
Posts: 20
Post History
 # Posted: 13 Nov 2007 16:45


You can't change them. Don't try. Don't worry.
They may even resent you if you do try.
Eventually you will get more friends. Friends that are on the same path as you are.
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