How can I cope with friends and family who make it difficult to get motivated?

Its not that they discourage me from exercising, but if I do exercise or go for a walk I get "looks" or comments like:

"Since when did *you* start going for walks?"
"You're eating salad ?!? Are you feeling ok?"

I'd rather just do my thing without anyone noticing.

Brother, if I were you I would tell them how it makes you feel. I know how discouraging some people can be (trust me). Tell them to keep their comments to themselves or explain to them the importance of having a positive atmosphere. Don't ever ever ever let others get rid of your determination and drive.

Imran

I get the same thing. I just kind take it. I agree with what Imran said about telling people how it makes you feel. I think family members and friends don't really want us to loose weight cuz then we wouldn't fit into our roll. KWIM? Once they see that you are serious about getting healthy maybe they'll be more encouraging! Guess that didn't help very much. Oh well...keep up the great work!!!!

I was getting the same thing, but now the same people that were doing it, see that I have lost 50 lbs and guess who has jumped on the bandwagon. One even jokingly calls me, "that salad eatin sob". Stick to your guns and shove back at them as you lose weight and get in better shape.

Hi James,

People can be annoying can't they?! I'm in agreement with everybody else pretty much. Don't pay too much attention to what these people say, and stick to your guns. The results will be worth it, and your family and friends will eat their words!

Cheers,
AJ

I lost a couple of stone (around 30 pounds) ahead of my wedding two years ago and at first quite a few friends and colleagues were similarly dismissive or undermining - I had a lot of 'yeah, all brides-to-be say that' type comments and knowing looks through to people actually saying there was no way I'd do it. But the idea of looking at wedding photos and cringing for the rest of my life was quite a motivation and as the weight started to come off and people could see how much better I was looking and feeling the compliments and 'good on you' comments started coming thick and fast.
I think Jennifer is right - some people feel comfortable with us in certain roles: for some people I'm the overweight and not too confident one for instance. When the weight comes off we start to look better, feel better and get more confidence: that can be unsettling for people so they make these little digs. Its hard, but if you can ignore them and get on with doing your thing they'll realise that their 'jokes' are getting old soon enough.
Focus on your own goals and try not to get disheartened - proving them all wrong feels almost as great as being healthier!

I went through the same bout with my parents. When i first started cutting my food intake, my mom would start putting more food on plate thinking i didnt have enough to eat. I just didnt eat it. Well eventually they got the hint and the amazing thing is that they dont eat that much now. My transformation is slowly transforming the others around me that were just like your family, they questioned and sneered but latered joined in.

Remember that when people say discouraging things like that, it's not really about you, it's about them. They are probably discouraged with themselves, and wish they had gone on a walk and had a salad rather than sitting in front of the TV and eating that bag of chips. I know it's hard, especially when it comes to family, and if you feel like it tell them how it makes you feel. But ultimately know that you are the only one who lives in your body don't let anyone distract you from your goals. And if you need any words of encouragement just come to the traineo forums!!!

I stay in a zone of determination and perseverance. Use the determination and perseverance as a 'shield' from negative external influences. Staying on plan is not easy whatsoever... try to empower others by asking them for support. If it doesn't work... shields up again.

I totally agree with Jennifer, sometimes people have something negative to say because they are scared of you losing weight. If the fattest person in the room loses weight...what happens to the next fattest person in the room...

Keep doing what you're doing !

Well said, Amanda!
James, no matter what you do, just know that you have chosen to do something wonderful for yourself and no one can stop you!

Misery loves company and they just don't want to lose your company.

Pearls of Wisdom.

In my quest to not diet but live a healthy lifestyle I had to choose to let certain people go. They are fun, but because I rarely consume alcohol anymore I am an easy target. So after constant teasing and tempting I figured they didn't have my interests at heart.

Not having the beer, getting up early to hit the treadmill, not going to buffets, these are all sacrifices. But there is one truth that is good to remember. Nothing tastes as good and fit and healthy feels.


Jeremiah

James,

I was lucky enough to have a more supportive environment. I did face a bit of scoffing. But I found that once the results started showing, the encouragement and even admiration from people who met me after a long while, expecting a "before Vrinda", more than compensated.

Friends and family may also come around with time. This reaction is from their "inner spoilt child." This behaviour like everyone else says is not prompted because they look down on you. It is prompted because they are insecure. "If James succeeds, will the new and improved James still value me as much? Will there be other contenders for his affection? Will I be left out?" And since people feel like a wuss to ask these questions directly and may not even be ready to admit the real reason to themselves, they scoff.

I've seen both. People who never get over their resentment, as well as people who change in their attitude or even get motivated enough to join in.

Vrinda

I think this phenomenon is common. However negative and unproductive it might seem, our families and friends are a part of a system that has "worked" til now. At some level, if we were out of shape, this system was functioning to make that so. When you change something, the status quo is upset and people react. Those who love you and support you in theory say awful things because there's a level at which your change disrupts things for them. If they could talk it out with you, they would not be negative. But at some less than conscious level, they can't help but say things that to some degree are intended to keep things as they are.

But I think my experience has been that this happens just at first. Very few people want you to fail, probably none. I think most of those people who say things that seem discouraging will no longer do so once they have had a chance to acclimate to the new you. If they persist in this for a long time, the problem is much deeper and perhaps that person has unresolved issues with you. But I think all of us have experienced some of this, and for the most part it's just unconscious resistance to change, nothing more serious than that (and that can be pretty serious, if you let yourself dwell on what you are hearing).

That's why things like Traineo exist, isn't it? If your friends and family were all on the same page, sharing similiar goals and on a similar quest, they wouldn't fall into these traps. So at a place like this, you are (relatively) assured that people will be positive and well meaning. So we all have both negative and positive messages coming in... pick the positive ones, ignore the negative, and after a while I think most of it will stop anyway and that's when your life has really changed.

My jouney to good health certainly showed me who my true friends are. My sis, mom, daughter and workout buddy would egg me on.
My workout buddy Vijaya got so involved that she almost felt as if it was her who was losing weight. She would call me over and show me off to her friends as though my achievement was hers. Her husband who is also a wourkout enthusiast would send me urls to exercise websites.
My daughter would compliment me any time I got ready to go out. She would tell me that she was proud that her mom was the slimmest of all other moms of her peer group. She would tell me that her friends think that I looked hot.
My sis would buy me piles of gorgeous clothes to show off my new figure. She bought me an mp3 player and introduced me to cardio coach and iTRAIN websites so that I could vary my workouts. Almost all gifts she buys me are new tools to fitness and good health. In fact I joined traineo and 43things because of her insistence.
My mom would tell me about the new yummy low fat / low carb recipe she just formulated.
Of course I have had my share of people who have been either disparaging or discouraging in their remarks. Some have belittled my effort with their comments. A few have even tried to sabotage my efforts at weight loss.
I just ignore all of them and even avoid them if possible.
Thankfully I have some really good and supportive people around me.

@Joe B. & Renuka: Thought-provoking comments about the importance of surrounding ourselves with supportive people...both on- and off-line.